Ho Ho Ho a message from the Pole – My email from Santa

A Christmas message from Santa

Hello Bevan

I’m sending this email to you as you seem to have your hands on the issue of climate change.

Now I get a lot of mail this time of year asking for this, that and the other for Christmas. It’s become a bit of a tradition for kids to write to me asking for a play station, iPod, new mobile phone, or the latest must have toy that is inevitably requiring me to make yet one more trip to China to collect supplies.

Don’t get me started on the quality issue or the amount of nickel cadmium batteries that are required (not recyclable or recycled) which are not included with the toy.

But I have a heads up for you on next year that you might like to help me pass on to some of the folks who would have preferred me to be there next year. I won’t be. This year is it. I have had a gut full. You see it seems that you (well not you but all the others) have decided that old St Nicholas has outlasted his welcome on the planet. It’s been a pretty tough year with the intrusion of shipping cruising by in the region in the middle of the night, now that the arctic has become navigable due to global warming. The good lady wife and I have had to put up with endless overhead satellites due to this or that, Arctic mapping exercise. There has been a constant drone under our feet from submarines placing their flags of dominion for mineral rights now that the Arctic will be ice free and open for mineral exploitation. That having been said; I have taken an offer to sell the property from an oil magnate who turned up a few months ago wanting to secure drilling rights. It seems he has the backing of the US government who have signed leases to allow them to exploit some territory off Alaska and well as they say, you should always go with the guys who have the backing of the US when it comes to grabbing oil! The offer as they say was ‘too good to refuse’. To be truthful I think I stitched him up, as you and I both know there is not much hope that there will be more than another couple of years left before environmental refugee status applies to me the wife and the elves.

Now what we need to do though is to break it to the kids in gently. There will be a few that will not to happy with December 25th becoming just a time to remember the birth of Christ. Not to mention the greetings card industry and the retailers who seem hell bent on getting the global population at this time of year to support the banks with credit card debit. It’s gotten a bit out of control hasn’t it?

None the less the elves and I will be moving to Hawaii come January and I have found a nice little Zoo in Norway that has offered to take Rudolf, Dasher, Blitzen and the others.

The plan is that this year I’ll drop a note into everyone’s stocking that I visit letting them know that due to climate change and the arctic thaw the situation was unavoidable and Christmas next year and from then on, is cancelled (except for the baby Jesus bit of course).

Could I ask you to draft a media and public relations statement for me to see if we can break the news gently? I would rather it not be that “Santa was found drowned next to a Polar bear cub in the North Pole” or something like as they would do in the soapies, try to think of something that the moms and dads can use each year to explain why Santa’s is not coming.

Trusting you’ll get the job done.

Regards Santa.

PS. Loved the book by the way I have a few orders for it for this year’s delivery.

#PayLoveForward

As Santa won’t be coming this year it might be worthwhile to show her your love with a unique gift from the Ching Dynasty Collection below.